Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
