I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
