She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
