her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
