It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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