9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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