Taylor Swift is so right about you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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