I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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