I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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