There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
