We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
