we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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