I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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