The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
