I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
