i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
