Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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