When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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