I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
