M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
