Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
