So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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