Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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