is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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