i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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