He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
