tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
