well you can't waste a boner
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
