my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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