So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
