why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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