I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
