Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
