And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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