I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize