She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the condom got lost in my hair
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
