U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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