You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
