I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
