We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
