so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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