So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
