Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
