I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
