you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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