So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
