literally had 100 drinks last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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