YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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