my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
