He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
