Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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