you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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