I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I believe in your delicious
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
