it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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