The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
