did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
