my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
