Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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