Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
