Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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