im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
