just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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