True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
