Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
