a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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