Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
