me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
