1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
