He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
