I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
