She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
