wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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