After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
