who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
