Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
