time to smoke my breakfast
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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